“WNBA Fever: Catch It!” And Other Jokes (About Obscure Sporting Events No One Watched) From the Weekend That Was

– Former Tennessee (we’re assuming) standout Tameka Catchings finally captured her first WNBA championship, leading the Indiana Fever over the Minnesota Lynx to their first title, as MVP of the five-game series. Catchings, who has spent her entire 11-year career with the Fever, had — along with teammates Katie Douglas and Tammy Sutton-Brown — played the most postseason games in WNBA history without a championship, essentially making her the Dirk Nowitzki of the league, only with shorter hair. Now that she’s won the most prestigious championship in women’s basketball, rumors have surfaced that Catching is looking to take her game to level: attempting to win the NBA D-League title. “Now, I’m not saying that men’s basketball is better than women’s basketball, I’m just saying the pay is better. Also, to be honest, I’m pretty sure I could be the Michelle Jordan of the D-league. Get it? Michelle Jordan? Those guys are going to love me in Tulsa!” said Catchings during the post-series celebration. As always, we’ll have more as this story develops here at PPC HQ.

Eli Manning’s inability to play poorly in the 4th quarter finally caught up with the Washington Redskins, as they were incapable of stopping the the 2-time Super Bowl MVP from connecting with walking symbol of the American Dream, WR Victor Cruz, on a beautiful 77-yard touchdown pass with 1:13 left in the game to seal the 27-23 victory for the New York Giants. The story of the game, however, was the performance of ‘Skins QB Robert Griffin III, who threw for 258 yds with 2 TDs on 20-28 passing, adding in 89 yards on 9 rushing attempts; and throwing a game-winning TD of his own before his secondary let him down on the very next play. Griffin’s rookie year has been nothing short of extraordinary, so extraordinary in fact, that opponents have accused the Heisman-winning Baylor standout of cheating. “He’s obviously a mutant, or a cyborg. Or a mutant cyborg. No one is that smart and that fast and has that strong of an arm at the same time. He’s a football quarterback, he has no business graduating for Baylor with a 3.7 in Political Science a year early. I’m going to bring this case to the top of the league and Commissioner Goodell. If his record is as strong as his performance as Senator Stryker in X-Men 2, justice will prevail. No Mutants! No Cyborgs! No Mutants! No Cyborgs!” said a player who wished to remain unidentified for fear of reprisals from “Griffin’s mutant brothers and sisters and Cyborg companions…because cyborgs don’t have the familial structure of real people”.

– The Giants continued to out Cardiac the Cardiac Cards, winning yet another potential elimination game, their 5th straight of the postseason, 6-1. San Francisco was buoyed for the second consecutive game by a unprecedented pitching performance by a unheralded veteran, riding Ryan Vogelsong‘s CAREER HIGH 9Ks to the victory. This was on the heels of Barry Zito’s virtuoso Game 5 performance, when the much maligned southpaw pitched 7 2/3 shut out innings to bring the series back to SF. Zito, who signed what was then the biggest free agent contract for a pitcher in the history of baseball, has been seen as a bitter disappointment for the Giants statistically, if not in the stands, where the Bay Area native maintains strong support among the Frisco faithful. “He’s one of us. You know what I mean. Just a chill chill chill dude. Super, just. Chill. You know what I mean? He’s one of us. Care for a brownie?” said Giants fan Aaron Culver, 24, of nearby Atherton when asked about the fans connection with the local hurler. The Giants and Cardinals will  finish off their best-of-seven series this evening, as Matt Cain and Kyle Lohse square off in a battle to determine who will represent the NL in the World Series against the Detroit Tigers and who will go home as a group of relatively nondescript baseball players only to be heard from for two weeks every October.

– Finally in you-reap-what-you-sow news, even the UCI (Union Cycliste Internationale) has chosen to let Lance Armstrong hang out to dry following last week’s revelation that not only did Armstrong cheat, he had overseen a doping operation which may have been the largest ever investigated. The organization stripped Armstrong of his 7 Tour de France titles, finally agreeing with the USADA‘s judgment made several months ago. Normally, we’d make a joke here, but at this point, we feel like Armstrong done a good enough job of that by himself.

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