“O’s No! Not Cool, Raul! Thankfully, Everything’s A OK in Oakland” And Other Jokes (About How Much We Hate The Yankees) From Last Night

– The Stupid Jerkfaces New York Yankees continued their 99-year streak of pulling horseshoes out of their collective ass, as 40-year-old PH Raul Ibanez replaced 3B/DB Alex Rodriguez in the bottom 9th, and subsequently hit the game-tying AND game-winning HR (3 innings later), to take Game 3, 3-2. Ibanez is the oldest player to have a multi-home run game and the first player in the history of baseball to hit the game-tying and -winning home runs. Which seems reasonable, because it’s the Yankees. Not surprisingly, Orioles manager Buck Showalter was less than impressed with the series of events that occured, saying, “There is no sun. God have forsaken our mission and we will likely die here in this strange place known as ‘New York City’. I was here in a different lifetime, but it is not the city I loved, nor is it the city I fell in love with. There is no sun,” after the game, when asked about how he felt about his team’s chances given the dramatic way in which they lost. As always, we’ll have more as this story develops (not the sun thing, the baseball thing) here at PPC HQ.

– The Oakland A’s and San Francisco Giants kept their high-wire acts going, as they both managed to stave off elimination, although they did so in entirely different ways. The A’s won with 3 runs in the bottom of the ninth, capped off by a game winning RBI single by OF Coco Crisp, while the Giants smacked around Reds P Johnny Cueto‘s replacement Mike Leake for 5 runs in 4.1 innings. As for their pitching, Contract Albatross Barry Zito was replaced by 2-time Cy Young award winner Tim Lincecum, who was relegated to the bullpen after his worst season as a pro. Lincecum was ecstatic about his performance after the game, telling reporters that he is “like, totally, just totally, totally feeling it” and that he was “totally, just totally, totally stoked that I pitched so well”, before leaving the stadium because he was “totally, just totally, totally into some In-N-Out with [Kung-fu] Panda [3B Pablo Sandoval) right now”.

– Finally, in you-guys-are-ruining-your-sport news, the NHLPA has FINALLY started composing a counter-proposal as part of their negotiations with the owners after three weeks without doing so. Normally we’d make a joke here, but if the NHLPA and the owners of NHL teams don’t give a shit about hockey, we aren’t going to either.

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