“Miggy Makes MVP Debate A Lot More Annoying” and Other Jokes (That Traditional Baseball Fans Will Hate) From Last Night

Detroit Tigers 3B Miguel Cabrera accomplished that which had not been done since 1967, winning the AL Triple Crown for the first time since Carl Yazstremski did it for Boston Red Sox squad as part of their “Impossible Dream” (as opposed to this year’s “Neverending Nightmare”) season . Cabrera’s feat turns up the temperature on what was already a heated MVP race, as many SABRmetricians have backed (possible actual) Los Angeles Angel Mike Trout, whose advanced stats in his ROOKIE SEASON compare favorably to the best seasons of Willie Mays’ career, done so while leading his team to more wins than Cabrera, whose team made it to the playoffs as a result of a MUCH weaker division. This has led to a chasm between players and the front office over who deserves the award,  and among journalists deeply entrenched in the old and new- school camps of player evaluation. “This race has the potential to be the ugliest in a long long time. Battleground states like that one douchebag who left Pedro off the ballot in 1998, or those people who didn’t vote for Felix Hernandez the year he won the Cy Young litter the entire electoral map,” said a noted expert on such races. “What you have is a group of people who exist in a world that never happened, where the Triple Crown guaranteed an MVP. Do these people not know who Ted Williams or Lou Gehrig were? Or that they both won Triple crowns without winning the MVP? The absolute worst, however, are the Trout people. Listen, I know that in a perfect world, WAR and BABIP would be the stats people care about, but in the real world, WAR is on the margins and BABIP sounds like the sound a kid makes when he spits up. What’s important to recognize is that we are taking a fundamental shift in the way we tell our stories and that’s really what these people are arguing over” finished the expert before revealing he was voting for Derek Jeter, saying, “best player best team is the way the Good Lord intended”. As always, we’ll have more as this story develops here at PPC HQ.

– Finally, in this-must-be-what-it-looks-like-when-someone-gets-left-at-the-altar news, the Texas Rangers have managed to fall from 13 games up at the end of June to fighting for their lives in a one-game playoff against the Baltimore Orioles following their epic collapse against the surging Oakland Athletics, losing the division clinching game 12-5. The game will likely be remember for how crazy Oakland fans are and an error by CF Josh Hamilton that blew a close game wide open, fundamentally costing his team the AL West Crown. Normally, we’d make a joke here, but considering Ron Washington and Josh Hamilton‘s past problems, we’ll probably just let them beat themselves up over it.

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