“NFL Tells Players and Coaches to Stop Being Mean to Replacement Refs” And Other (Things That Are Actually) Jokes (And Not Things That The NFL Actually Did) From Last Night

– In an effort to curb the enthusiastic heckling of the replacement refs by players, the NFL has released a memo to the 32 NFL teams, warning them to stop what they deem to be abusive treatment of the scabs interim referees. Failure to do so will likely result in a fine similar to the $50,000 ones handed out the last time the league sent a company-wide memo in 2010, warning teams to watch out for dangerous hits across the middle. Regarding the memo, NFL executive vice president Ray Anderson un-ironically  told ESPN the following:

“We contacted them to remind them that everyone has a responsibility to respect the game. We expect it to be adhered to this weekend and forevermore.”

However, when asked to explain how such a statement coincides with the blatant disregard the league has for “the responsibility to respect the game” by having the replacement refs officiate the games to begin with — not to mention the serious issues regarding player safety inherent in hiring inexperienced, or worse, officials unable to make it at the high level of their profession —  the response from Anderson involved crying heavily into the phone, screaming “I CAN’T GO ON LIVING LIKE THIS!” and then, from what can be surmised from the audio, breaking a window in his office and plummeting to his death, screaming the whole way down. As always, we’ll have more as this story develops here at PPC HQ.

– Not all of the news involving the NFL yesterday was mired in hypocrisy and controversy, however, as the New York Giants crushed the spirits of the Carolina Newton Panthers, running out to a 23-0 lead and never even glancing back, eventually winning 36-7. Following the victory, in appeared that the Giants had finally moved clear of the “victory formation” controversy that they found themselves embroiled in following last week’s game against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. “These whippersnappers understood that when the game was finished, the game was finished. None of that ‘we’re only down by one touchdown’ nonsense that them dang Tampa Bay boys were flibberjibbering about. Back in my day, you took your loss like a man, and you said please and thank you. Those were the days I tell you,” said Giants head coach Tom Coughlin, wistfully staring off into space, thinking — we can only assume — about a time where men were men and women were long skirts.

– Finally, in really?-REALLY? news, Tennessee Titans RB Chris Johnson has publicly blamed his offensive line for his miserable start to the season, which has him on pace to reach 100 yards in the 10th game of the season. Normally, we’d make a joke here, but when you are averaging 1.1 yds/carry after averaging 4.7, chances are the joke is on you.

No…wait… we can do better than that.

Nope. We tried and we failed. And for that, we blame our writers.


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