“Stats Say Replacement Refs Just as Good, Facts Disagrees” and Other Jokes (That Completely Miss the Point) From Last Night

– According to a report by ESPN’s wire service, there hasn’t been a noticeable difference in the amount of calls (in fact, they’ve went down slightly) made by the new officials, and although replay challenges are up, a smaller percentage of them have been overturned. This statistical evidence, compiled by the stats nerds at ESPN, is apparently supposed to prove that the refs are having no fundamental effect on the game. This is not true, according to everyone who has watched any of the games, played in organized football or aware of the concepts of selection bias. “We’ve watched the games, and we don’t care what the stats say. It’s clear that these guys just aren’t as good as the regular refs. And those guys are TERRIBLE,” said Facts in a statement to everyone, following the release of ESPN’s report. As always we’ll have more as this story develops here at PPC HQ.

– Like brides unable to decide what color the writing on the invitation should be, the college presidents involved in the creation of a 4-team playoff have decided to add another bowl to the 6 already included as part of semi-final games. The game, likely to be at Cowboys Stadium — despite the original six member Cotton Bowl already being played there — will rotate between the two semi-final games,  “We just got to talking, and we said to ourselves, ‘How much CAN we milk out of this thing?’, and I said, well, golly, there ain’t no heffer bigger than my place, is there?” said Cowboys/Cowboys Stadium owner Jerry Jones. Members of the WAC, MAC, Conference USA, and let’s be serious, the Big East, were unavailable for comment, as it is believe they are in the process of creating what’s being called “The Super Awesome Playoffs for Teams Mathematically Eliminated from Contention Before the First Snap” Championship series, which is — at this point — considered a “working title”.

-Finally, in are-you-better-off-than-you-were-6-years-ago news, the NHL has cancelled ALL of  its preseason games for the month of September, as the prospect of a shortened season looms large over the heads of fans, coaches, player and owners alike. Normally, we’d make a joke here, but seriously this is the dumbest lockout in the history of sports, and if we think about it for more than a few minutes, our brains start to cry. Get your shit together, NHL.


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