– Apparently unaware of the concept of someone being bilingual, Blue Jays SS Yunel Escobar decided to write the phrase “Tu Ere Maricón” — which for those who fell asleep in Spanish class means “you are a faggot” — and for his efforts, was suspended 3 games. “I was talking about Alex Rodriguez. I know we weren’t playing them, but that guy is just a tool,” said Escobar during a press conference. Escobar also attempted to explain that maricón doesn’t have the same connotation in Spanish that its counterpart has in English, announced that the money he’d be losing from his suspension would be going to a Denver-based organization who works within the LGBT community, and apologized profusely for those he offended after explaining that like all people who say offensive things that “I have gay friends, the man who cut my hair and the man who decorate my house are both
maricones gay”. “I apologize to everyone to Alex Rodriguez, seriously, that dude es un maricón grande,” added Escobar before leaving for what was described as “a fabulous day of shopping”.
– Reports have surfaced that during a lawsuit against the NCAA by former UCLA Bruin Ed O’Bannon over the use of players names and likeness in NCAA video games NCAA senior policy advisor Wallace Renfro suggested losing the term “student athletes” to describe scholarship athletes as a way to circumvent the concept of amateurism inherent in the structure of the organization. “We wanted to say that, to be honest, we want to pay these people for services rendered and not really waste time on having them go to class. Amateur, shamateur…oh, that’s a good one… sorry, I’ve gotta write this down… Right, anyways, where was I? Oh, okay, yeah, why should we waste time sending them to class when we can just have them on the football field the entire time? Time is money, and these pockets aren’t going to line themselves with it!” said Renfro in an interview following the release of the report. As always, we’ll have more as this story develops here at PPC HQ.
– Finally in, super-excited-futbol-coach news, Real Madrid pulled off a miracle against Man City in the first game of the Champions League tournament, winning a 3-2 slug fest on a brilliant Cristiano Ronaldo goal in the games 91st minute, causing Real Madrid manager Jose Mourinho to spontaneously erupt in celebration, sliding on his knees across the pitch as though he scored the goal himself. Normally, we’d make a joke here involving him, his knees and Cristiano Ronaldo’s penchant for trangendered hookers, but if pictures are a thousand words, GIFs are worth at least a thousand and two: