“Defensive Backs Get ‘Lucky’, Say Cutler ‘Had It Coming'” and Other Jokes (Which ‘Cut’ Bears Fans to Their Very Core) From Last Night

– In a shocking reversal of fortunes from last Sunday’s games, the Green Bay Packers managed to completely dominate the Chicago Bears on their way to a 23-10 victory over their most hated rivals. The Packers’ much-maligned defense managed to shut down the Bears’ seemingly high-powered offense by exploiting their biggest weakness, as Green Bay’s swarm of sack artists decimated Chicago’s patchwork offensive line, getting to their QB — the even-more-maligned Jay Cutler — for SEVEN sacks and leading the former Vanderbilt standout  to tie a career-high with four interceptions. This poor performance came on the heels of Cutler’s brilliant performance on Sunday and, more importantly, his taunting of the Packers’ DBs before this week’s game, wishing them “Good Luck” in man coverage against his physical wide receivers. But perhaps the biggest story of the night will be Cutler’s bump of LT J’Marcus Webb following a particularly egregious blown assignment by the 3rd-year player, which led to a particularly vicious sack on the battered quarterback. Cutler, for his part, was open and honest with his reasons for bumping Webb after the game, saying, “Dude wasn’t being a bro, dude. If you are out there protecting me like a bro, then I expect you to be a bro and I’ll be a bro to you. But if you aren’t going to be a bro, then, bro, I don’t know what to tell you, dude.” Of course, we’ll have more as this story develops here at PPC HQ.

– With less than a month left in the season, last night may have been a turning point in the NL wild card races, as the St. Louis Cardinals defeated the Los Angeles Dodgers 2-1 to extend their lead for the second wild card to two games, only one game into a 4-game series between the two teams. The Dodgers, who have struggled since taking on TWO-HUNDRED SIXTY-ONE MILLION DOLLARS from the Boston Red Sox, likely find them in a must-win situation following the loss, something that Dodgers GM Ned Colletti isn’t particularly happy with. “We were EXPLICITLY told that the reason that Josh Beckett was terrible is because Bobby Valentine wouldn’t let him eat chicken in the clubhouse. WE WERE PROMISED. I HATE LARRY LUCCHINO,” shouted a intoxicated Colletti at tourists in front of Mann’s Chinese Theater.

– Finally, in wow-you-are-really-making-a-sacrifice-there-champ news, reports have surfaced that Heat F Chris Bosh is willing to become Heat C Chris Bosh this next season, after being reluctant to make the change after his time at the position in Toronto, which is apparently news despite the fact that he played the pivot for long stretches during last year’s playoffs. Normally, we’d make a joke here, but we are saving all of our the “Heat are douchebags” jokes for when the games actually counts.

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One thought on ““Defensive Backs Get ‘Lucky’, Say Cutler ‘Had It Coming'” and Other Jokes (Which ‘Cut’ Bears Fans to Their Very Core) From Last Night

  1. Pingback: “Cowboys Lose as Tony Romo’s Jay Cutler Impression Falls Flat” And Other Jokes (That Dallas Fans Will Probably Want to Forget About) From Last Night | Position Paper Champions

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