“Red Sox Fire Pitching Coach” And Other Jokes (Told with Really Bad Timing) From Last Night

– With their team seven games back of the wild card and 13 games back of the Yankees for the AL East lead whilst they are also 23rd in the majors in team ERA and 26th in quality starts, the Red Sox have decided to let go of pitching coach Bob McClure (no relation to the Springfield McClures) and replaced him with assistant pitching coach, Randy Niemann. “We just felt like it was time for us to go our separate ways with Bob. To be honest, we only kept him on because Josh loved his fried chicken recipe so darn much that he refused to pitch unless Bob was on the team. But, I Ctrl+F’d the PDF of his contract, and there is no “fried chicken clause” in his contract. What a jerk! I’m going to cook his goose…unless there’s a cooked goose clause in his contract. I…have to go,” said GM Ben Cherington, before scurrying quickly out of the room mid-press conference. As always, we’ll have more as this story develops, here at PPC HQ.

– The streets of Liverpool are likely still aflame this morning — whether or not it’s actually fire, or just the heat of a thousand drunk Liverpudlians wildly celebrating is as of yet undetermined — following Everton’s victory over Manchester United. Although Everton and United are not necessarily “rivals” in the traditional sense, as Everton and United actually share a common rival — Liverpool FC,  the city are filled with a visceral hatred of one another, as after the collapse of manufacturing in England, the two cities had to fight for food scraps before turning themselves into “football towns”. “Oi! It’s a wicked googly when we lose to the likes of Everton. I myself is an Everton fan, and boyo, I’d be lyin’ if I told you I wasn’t a wee bit excited to see them boys and blue beat United,” said a (we suppose not surprisingly) jovial Wayne Rooney following his team’s loss.

– Finally, in we-are-willing-to-write-about-every-time-someone-makes-fun-of-James Dolan news, Nets owner Mikhail Prokhorov went out of his way to refer to the lead singer of JD and the Straight Shot as “that little man” repeatedly in an interview with New York Magazine. This isn’t news so much as a public service announcement and usually, we’d help Mr. Prokhorov make fun of our least favorite sports figure a tiny bit more, but honestly, we’re short on time.

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